ALPHA WONT U ANSWER

A question that haunts me too frequently and too diligently is the one about the grandest ace of spade ever, god himself. While most people argue over the existence of the alpha and the omega I ponder more so on the mighty being himself. Now a friend of awe inspiring faith recently advised me to not draw conclusion on organisms of all sort and most of all on the almighty himself. Hence I shall not judge nor shall I misbehave with my words. The belief that his existence is inevitable came with a diligent and pursuant study of facts and beliefs of which I shall not bore you with. My question today is directed immaturely to the all knowing him. I ponder over him without shame (and due to a lack of other equally puzzling concepts). As dreaded I am to accept this I must admit that at some layer in my onion inspired mind I feel I need to believe in his righteousness. To accept that there is a flaw to the creator himself is as unacceptable as realizing your father is weak or helpless. To accept this is to consider the fact that the person whom you had put on the pedestal was never really worth the pedestal itself. So I blatantly refuse to admit to such a life altering fact but I cant but help try and reason with the voices in my head. Some might call it the work of Lucifer himself but I believe I’ll name it THOUGHT. A fact that I worry over is that he demands praise. Demands love and worship. I wouldn’t be lying when I tell u that I’d have been glad to entertain his whims of praise and worship had it not been for the demand itself. When the praise is demanded it’s no longer mine to give. I feel it’s his to take from me. Me wanting to give praise holds no value anymore. Its like when you bake a cake for a friend and he goes well I deserved that didn’t I. . Some people told me to not hold god in human perspective. Well how cant I.?? I am human and my perspectives are limited to that extent. Does he not demand me to understand him from within the limitations of my perspectives? Then wouldn’t it be right to puzzle that if my perspectives could indeed understand him wouldn’t they be equally well enough to question?? Would I be that wrong in claiming to not understand the ways of a monarchy I’m confined to serve under only in return for the life I was given which was never my choice in the first place? The trade was made without my consent. The discipline enforced without due explanations and the answers to life (confined in about 1500 pages) answered without the questions having been asked at all!!! I believe the whole dish would have been easier to digest if he does not claim to understand me or consider me a son. I sometimes tell myself that he is but numb. The emotions he provoked in us he must be unaware of himself. If he being the all powerful really was all-powerful then why allow pain to continue (if he considers it all evil). Why?? Why allow deaths of children and starvation of countries and useless wars to occur at all. I as a person confined to my limitations and poor perspectives reason to believe pain is but an insight into relief. If you never cringed over a lump of salt then you could never delight you completely over another of sugar. Alas that is but a selfish reasoning. The child who dies from starvation at the age of two dies without having seen life at all. No sugar or salt for him to suck on. So I tell you I WANT TO BELIEVE but how can I seeing everyday the sorrow and pain around surround. To take solace in the smaller joys would be blind ignorance of which I shall not be held guilty for. So here is my request a word from heaven above or a vision of clarity in this confused revved up mind would do good. I will not ponder on more, for this is a pit sans abyss. Go ahead then condemn me judge me analyze and criticize me pity me and burn me on a stake. I wont judge you for I heeded a good advice but all I ask in return is a reason a reason to believe a signature for hope.

MR ZIGGY

Today morning I woke up earlier than normal to find the world fresh and already wake beaming with a kind of exuberance that only Christmas could bring about in me as in him. I guess it was rather stupid that i was being insanely happy although having absolutely nothing to be extraordinarily cheerful about more so the opposite. This season I had committed myself to wide grins and Sinatra carols and a plastic Christmas tree. Deciding there was never better a time to pour out my festive peskiness onto all those around me. I put my favorite christmas sinatra song on.soothing me with let it snow at 1000 watts almost convincing me it was indeed snowing outside. Just as I imagined I saw my brother and dearest sister arising from the depths of a pile of sheets like swamp monsters from an old and rather badly done horror flick. The monsters were disturbed from their slumber for the swamp was now alive with the sound of music. So in order to vent my share of joyous energy I devised that today would be ideal for the mounting of our dearest plastic Christmas tree. I never thought I would ever have been in love with plastic of any sort but here I was staring dumbfounded at this 15 yr old giant. The many Christmas’s of my life it had born witness to flashed before my eyes. My love to this plastic structure catalytically intensified the more I looked at it almost driving me to the insanity of naming it. That was a funny thing I had always noticed in people. We always considered it distantly agreeable to talk to inanimate objects as long as they were named & if they were to be found wanting of one and u were found whispering to any such object you would be met with a cry mostly resounding “have you gone bollocks”. Hence keeping this obscure law in mind I named the tree Mr. ziggy (don’t even bother asking). The main intention behind such an act being that my ranting rambling Christmas chatters was bearable by human ears only for a rather short period of time. Now me my eager sister and my grumpy half awake brother were pulling out the Christmas decorations from the attic. Since I was the more mowgli type in the trio I was assigned the task of climbing up the attic to fetch the treasures. I soon found myself covered in soot and the smell that was a mixture of kerosene old rotting newspapers and mice shit. After this heinous task was done we proceeded to mount Mr. ziggy with our choicest decorations although my suggestion to string popcorns were dismissed by statements such as phaw t’cha and stop copying Archie comics asshole. Hence I returned my comments to the more avid and accepting listener Mr. ziggy explaining to him y stringing popcorns was indeed a rather bright idea. Soon Mr. ziggy’s adornment by us took up almost a day more so owing to disturbing statements from my obsessively compulsively perfectionist of a brother about the blemishes in the horizontal vertical and even 3 dimensional proportions of the tree. Me obviously having to right these wrongs as he shouts out directions from the other end. Finally when Mr. ziggy was as handsome as a prince and my brother\platoon commander could not find even a hairs breadth of a mistake night had arrived. The children from the neighboring houses gathered like bees to watch us switch the lights on Mr. ziggy. My brother handed me the switch with absolute pride glittering in his eyes. Now all eyes were on me rebuking me for takin too bloody long.so I held a breath and flicked the switch on. After seeing Mr. ziggy for 15 yrs I always wondered why I never got tired of him. Now as I watched with bated breath I know that question was too silly to be answered. I have no idea how long we stayed there as we watched Mr. ziggy dance in the midst of a rainbow of colors. Today was his day, LET IT SNOW LET IT SNOW LET IT SNOW....

6 FEET & COMPROMISE

I WANTED THE HIGH SO BAD,THE WORDS SO BAD,
I SETTLED FOR PENCIL STUBS AND CHEAP WINE,
I WANTED THE SKY SO BAD,
I SETTLED FOR A STARLESS CEILING,
I WANTED THE ROMANCE SO BAD,
I SETTLED FOR OUR KISSES LAST FALL,
I WANTED REASSURANCE SO BAD,
I SETTLED FOR A PAT ON THE BACK,
I WANTED YOU SO BAD,
I SETLLED FOR A MEMORY TORN,
I WANTED THE TRUTH SO BAD,
I SETTLED FOR THE EASY LIES,
I WANTED THE PAIN SO BAD,
I SETTLED FOR A RAZOR CUT,
I WANTED DEATH SO BAD,
I SETTLED FOR A GLIMMER INSTEAD,
CONTENMENT WAS NEVER A PRIZE,
IT WAS ALWAYS A COMPROMISE......

justine bassani sketches

justine bassani sketches

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD

I thought these answers were cute. This was found on a website which encourages distribution but does not list authors.



BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but also will lay eggs, file your imported documents, and balance your checkbook.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

DARWIN: Chicken, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such ways that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon you frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road, it transcended it.

WOULD YOU

WOULD YOU
would you let life go cause the world told you so,
would you let me be though your head screamed yes,
would you be a slave to a slave called thought,
would you let logic infect your dreams,
would you let moments be for practivality,
would you believe in me for a moment and see,
would you see the world for me through me,
would you see the beauty that i defined,
would you hold onto me frame me a memory,
would you stay so i could ask,
would you be my memory forever to be........

WINNER TAKES NONE

WINNER TAKES ALL
they're watching my back waitin for me to crack,
oh what to do my baby's gone crazy all over again,
words of comfort that stink of contempt,
roads to take a million of them ,
stop watchin me analyzing me judging me,
ur worse ur every word that sings of a hypocrite,
i never wanted to run this race t'wasnt for me,
was it cause i had it all maybe cause i had none at
all,
my fault for i quit a race that you will never stop
running,
i stopped by my milestone then this blurry world now
beauty,
around surround at peace entrapped enraptured,
what about tomorrow you spit spitefully,
ceased for another sigh i smiled at your why,
today in all its beauty to hold to love is mine,
tomorrow too far away a question too big an idea to
define,
but today i die pitying you and this race you run,
in a day i've seen savoured and won while u'll run
having seen none................

SUICIDE OPTIMIST

swept awAy by the beauty of youth ,
i dream on for thats life,
i'm the god of ''now" possibility my slave,
practicality lost in the fervour of optinism,
life is mine to ravage rape and savour,
sqeeze it dry i shall not a drop left to dry,
breathing in all it has to offer,
everythings gonna be right bob marley serenades me,
i fly i soar the sky was never a limit,
i'm a dreamer i'm a believer now and forever,
no word shall hurt me no jibe shall prick me,
i'm here i'm alive now and forever.......................

SUBTRACTIONS OF AN ENDEARING MIND

i run through this winding road of life with hope in my heart

finding you in love i bare my soul but my cries you carelessly shun
i run through the winding road of life with hope
all my dreams this world stamps out like a vindictive god
i run through the winding road of life
hoping for escape i side step and misheed directions
i run through the winding road
lost is my green pasture and freedom to find it i run
i run
alone and desolate broken and hurt falling to my knees i cry
i.....

STRANDED

Left in the midst of meaningless trials
chasing a dream i never dreamt,
asked my reflection for a reason,
Never knew why my words were tears,
never knew why my songs were fears,
staunch is my love for every breath,
but hazy my interpretation of happiness,
lies asleep my destiny,
ne'r treadin thepath made for me,
change beckoned me relentlessly,
a deaf ear i turned to its calls,
cried out to the heavens exasperated,
pled from pain pled in vain,
left alas my twisted my twisted fate.............

SPILLED OVER FAGS

SPILLED OVER FAGS
he dragged the days by livin the nights gazing the skies,

spliffs by the side *(many inside)* smokin out his music,

red eyes sore from tears that never cried,

her picture burned into his chest her smile his song,

on an on he sang the same old song cried the same old tears,

eyes that searched her shimmer in the breeze,

a life that lived in pain a search but in vain,

the dance he traced in his mind the steps he relived,

whats life without u whats livin without u,

a cry to a god he so ignored a bye to a love he still hold,

an aideu to the spliffs he so devoured to the life he so abhorred,

gulped in air just from habit and leaped into the waves,

the breeze blew a whistle into a stranded wine bottle,

the waters swallowed him into depths uncertain,

a star shined brighter in the empty sky as another die,

the night drowned the sea in darkness the world lesser by half,

an old man sang grippin his wilted guitar,

all he wanted was u all he wanted was you ..............................

SOLITARY CREEP

A heaviness i never knew i bear now with a smile,
i'm scared not death not those sympathetic stares,
but loneliness am i the creep i wrote of,
am i another poem a word but forgotten,
tired of lies that i believed, of hopes i foretold,
a solitary creep his cigarettes and theories,
an old man reclined on a chair of regrets,
too tired to run too proud to weep,
sometimes i wished for a rigid hallucination,
me and my dreams all my wants finally content,
i see the mirages painted on my walls,
accusing me subtly for the beauty i witheld,
i wish u were here wasnt i always there,
but u stay stuck in my tears and all my songs,
hate me for the lies but what about all the smiles,
the coffee the conversation the roses the stares,
all scribbled onto a postid stuck in my heart,
but forgotten i am and all that i was,
now just another ghost on the boulevard of regrets,
this too shall pass an optimism no longer mine,
no more hopes nor dreams just fears and a million tears,
just a tombstone floating careless in an ocean,
carved into it a fading epitaph,
"halfway up the stairway to heaven,
he turned around and shed his last tear,
for a life misled for the world he'd miss,
but mostly for you & your lips he'd never kiss........"

SOFIA'S SONG

SOFIA'S SONG

Tears raining down thick,
one for each different reason,
it's not the month,
not even the reason,
cant blame it on the weatherman,
it aint his fault,
that all these tears cant seem to halt,
a few for loneliness,more for pain,
some more outta plain desperation,
the poor thing cant hold onto her shame,
evrything on the inside,
she tries in vain to get it out,
trying to scream trying to shout,
but she's a lady an all she can do is sing,
"teardrops come again,
i can almost feel your pain,
never ever thought the day would come,
when i would be the lucky one,
to see you hurt to see you cry,
gives my soul a natural high,
think of all the times you walked on me,
teardrops come and set me free.......

SHOUT AT THE SKY

In a hazy world i look through glassy shreds,
drenched in anticipation over duties to fullfill,
the drama of life plays on in me,
i stare at the sky and ask aloud why ,
why these shams,rules,boundaries,
freewill a wine cheapened by your breath,
what is good where is wrong,
am i just a puppet bound to invisible strings,
leave me let me be,
to rot in this life's misery,
tired i'll be lost i;ll be,
but i am me just let me be..................................

SCREWED

wont live out this practicality you cuffed onto me,
dont know why i never asked why?
evryday i waste a tear on your smile your memories,
vague as it is it plays on in mY mind,
a glimpse is all i got but never forgot,
a few words are all i had but never without,
you and only you i could never live without,
now i gasp for the air that you did draw,
from words within me that smoke had hazed,
rude i am crude i am loved you once and screwed i am,
call me blind but thats what i am,
dazed by the rythm of a music that you evoked,
bound to a love that you forebode,
a gutless soul you turned me into,
a worthless love unknowingly pledged to you unto,
a dream i forced through the windpipes of reality,
you'd spare a thought for me,
MAYBE???????..................

SCARS,CONFUSION & A PHEONIX

Stuck in my mind were conversations of yesterday,
what tomorrow held was always a mystery,
many a hurdles left unconquered,
small they'd seemed then ah how small the semmed,
but they piled over as time crept by,
words of a defeated mind they might sound,
a contradiction to the above i never could find,
the next step to take i never knew,
lost in the dreams of a better tomorrow,
always kney what had to be done,
but when trials came ah how my hands drew away,
t'was never a fear of defeat ,
alas just a silent retreat,
searched for answers to questions obvious,
always a job tad too tedious,
in desperation cried out to the heavens,
for the answer that lay within me,
now i've found it or so i believe,
enlightened and aware my future i percieve,
time to turnaround and plunge into my ashes,
a pheonix of some sort bearing scars from many lashes,
a gift to me from the life i led,
just to remind me how it'd have been instead.......

RENDEZVOUS WITH JACK

when moments beautiful enrapture the mind,
when envisaged rendezvous ceaselessly impress,
a blanket of disturb clouds the confused mind,
with icy fingers that claw from within,
with cold eyes and questions sans answers,
ypu ponder and question for a reason why,
was it her tears you were missin ,
were it those years left lagging,
were it those dreams that sing crash and burn,
clueless you run through a tunnel sealed tight,
then a knock from somewhere senile,
you open the door hoping its worth the damn try,
only to hear the world shouting out high,
shut up bitch and drown the whisky dry.............

NEVERMIND

nevermind - Aug. 24, 2006 at 05:50 AM
i read ya pictures i saw ya words,
some cried out some whispered,
no judgements ta make none to be heard,
alone to urself locked in a cuboard,
analyze and buffer thoughts precise,
hug them with stares and words of ice,
beauty i see in all ya cacophony,
dont throw words hither and tether,
ur words precious i'll save 4ever.....

MY CRUMPLED LOVE SONG

MY CRUMPLED LOVE SONG

song i wrote for u stained in tears,
crumpled papers rollin by,
the life i dreamed in denial in fear,
you blew me a kiss you crumpled my love song,
you my queen in my castle of cards,
ur words that hurt me me who loved ye,
ur eyes parched from tears u held,
hold me kiss me dont u bloody need me,
as i plucked de strings to sing my song,
u walked away with my crumpled love song,you ran away from me from he lettin it all be,
alone and forlorn u read my crumpled love song,
my crumpled love song stained in tears.......

SIN CITY INSPIRATIONS

Left a note for you on my coffee table,
you never got my message you never knew my pain,
i dream of you like lovers in fables,
i miss the stolen kisses under dim lit lamp posts,
miss them walks shaded by the rain,
miss the smell of your hair the feel of your skin,
miss the tears you shed when i said good bye,
miss your pecks on my chin,
miss answering your every why,
miss feigning smiles in your innocent humour,
miss your tantrums and your outbursts,
miss you baby like sweet misses sour,
i'll love you forever & never,
like you'll always be mine forever and never......

HIGHWAY WOES

Trials and trepeditions gutters strewn along the way,
fear and inhibition hitchhikers who decided to stay,
blame for insomnia onto a ragged ugly bed,
blame for the memories onto bleary naked walls,
another milestone reached another awaits impatient,
black coffee and cigarettes beginnings and sunsets,
crushed dreams and hopes death and taxes,
empty said the gauge help was nowhere on the way,
stretched out my hand helplessly for a ride,
too engrossed in themselves the wold passed by............

THE BIGGEST QUESTION OF EM ALL

the greatest question of em all?
is love and friendship a prelude to
betrayal??

I FOUND THIS SCRIBBLED ON A LIBRARY BOOK

candlebra snuffed prey-silhoultte wedded nightfall take my hand,
seduce me with silky timbred limbs,
grant me the dark command,
over the peaks framing tapestries,
of this forest dusk has filled,
with lucifigous kisses enwreathed in mist,
creeping like violations from the shadows....

ANGER MANAGEMENT

So you think i got off on the wrong foot,
well here's my testimony i care not,
laugh an evil laugh and scream for death,
it'll take you soon to the place you belong,
search for a soul you sold at birth,
die a death you already died,
lie to yourself but truth to the world,
trap your pain in your pandoras box,
let your pain out when the world will stop,
wound yourself to contain the pain,
smoke some grass to feel her again,
strum the guitar till your fingers go numb,
stab your mind with questions deserted,
answer yourself with stupid reasons,
eat your feet and taste your sweat,
lick her tears and feign your pleasure,
cry alone for there's nothing better...................

shadowz - stunt video

A PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHT

I lie awake as the day rests,
my mind wanders onto playgrounds new,
thought a game sans objectives,
lost in this game i travel time,
lost in time i play this hazy game,
tried to forget yesterdays follies,
tried to rebuild by crumpled castle,
came my way another wind of thought,
only to wipe away my castle of cards,
for dreams they were sought out and true,
but yet they remained unpursued,
ah how thoughts linger,how they hinder,
stayin to remind you of every turn took wrong,
every word spelt wrong every debt every regret,
it tells you too of them hurdles crossed,
of kisses true of thank you's due,
many'd pay that penny for my thought,
alas never to be sold nor to be bought....

MY HOLLYWOOD STORY

you seem a lot like my hollywood story,
she sang for love fame and all the glory,
scared and alone she hid behind curtains,
many craved her-millionares and celluloid sultans,
none she let near as she sang ger millionth tear,
words ne'r hurt her but love t'was all she did fear,
wasted and drained he'd left her alone,
love she'd sworn off her every blood and bone,
never made it far alas welcomed by a sleazy bar,
many a ears listened and left but he'd arrive in his rundown car,
he loved her eyes that died to cry,
he loved her songs he ne'r knew why,
everyday she'd sing on her wilted guitar,
everyday he'd come in his rundown car,
saw him she did but ne'r a word she spared,
whilst everyday his love he shamelessly bared,
time ran away her notes had struck far,
he'd still be there and his rundown car,
oneday he came only to find her gone,
not an adieu for this love she'd never known,
years ran on her perfume no longer lingers,
years ran on her guitar in splinters,
an old man comes in a rundown car,
his eyes searchin for her near and far........

!!THUD!!

STANDING right on the edge he WISHED,
WISHED for wings so he could FLY,
FLY away from this ruthless WORLD,
WORLD which shot down his DREAMS,
DREAMS which had given him HOPE,
HOPE to fly away from it ALL,
ALL the pain his heart bore ALONG,
ALONG the edge he walked AIMLESS,
AIMLESS musings his lifes turn OUT,
OUT of this prison he'd decided to FLEE,
FLEE he did as into depths he LEAPED,
LEAPED along broken wings a broken heart a broken soul....

!!PUNKED!!

graffitti tears and cigarette stubs
camouflage eyes and guitar cuts
i got a punk rocker playin in my chest
twisted lyrics and desperate hopes
dirty sheets & a future unclear
i got a punk rocker writing on my walls
reject of today & foolish optimism
drunken lips and gambled trips
i gotta punk rocker cryin through my eyes
tattooed nightmares and dry kisses
drunken promises and sober regrets
i gotta punk rocker livin in my head
fairytale villains and scorned heroes
an ocean of why's and stifled cries
i'm a punkrocker writing to myself

WRITERS BLOCK

I for the past few weeks entertained myself diligently with exploring the Internet for scribbles of my fellow writers. What my search found amused me. More often than not I found
Individuals pressed on establishing their vocabulary supremacy over the less gifted ones.
Trying desperately to assure themselves more than others that their words must be. Each passing judgment over small and big aspects of this giant myriad of life. Rarely I found words accomplishing their true purpose. To wonder at the beauty around surround to vent anger over a blemish to invoke passion to connect. Well maybe it’s me being a fool. Is optimism a myth? Is it wrong to find beauty in both sadness and joy? Is it asking for too much? I envy and pity those who have the luxury of worrying over things that in no way affects their lives. No don’t think I’m upholding jealousy .if the words had conviction and inspired change well then I’d have praised them. Alas the words were only a farce a medium to once again claim them superior. To gain credit. Well I shant judge I ‘d reason myself that that these words are just a playground just a build up to the a grand finale of essays poems and stories praising life and all its virtues and condemning its vices humoring its parodies and crying its tears. Write on my friends may Ur pens never run out of ink and may Ur words live forever adios………

tomorrow dead or alive???

Ah how small I am compared to this world....
A thought most of us feel when small and huge
instances of beauty fear and other such emotions grasp us.
I felt it too but one day I woke up mesmerized
By the beauty that surrounded me. Then I realized
How big I, we, us really were. We are
possibly the only creatures in this
Preposterously huge world that could actually
Savor this beauty this random symmetry of
Existence. The only ones free enough to not
Just behold this unfathomable beauty but also
Having the capacity to savor it in all its
Splendour. I’m not talking just about green
Grassed meadows and waves lapping the shores.
I refer also to the enthralling rush of
Emotions that surge only through our minds.
Love despise fear laughter sadness adrenaline
Hope hate contentment discontent and a
Plethora of others one alien to the other. Sadly
We were also endowed with selfishness and
Foolishness and worst of all vanity. We the
Blessed souls forgot to be simple. Striven to
Win races that never were needed we set boundaries.
Separating classifying and tagging each other.
We live in a world were the global food production
Exceed the population growth and yet 4000 children
Alone dies every hour from starvation. The irony
Of it should embarrass but only we're too busy
Running our races to actually give a fuck.we're
Born to a world that has already judged us.
To parents who've already dreamed for us. To
Schools who've already decided what to teach us.
Is it too late for change ?if I believed it was…Then I’d have killed hope. Hence I wont because
Hope is the only thing that keeps tomorrow alive.

HE SHED SHE SHED

Walking alone down the winding road that led home his steps stuttered and stammered.damn why couldn’t alcohol just be about the high but then would he have enjoyed it if it hadn’t been for the drunken stupors and the cranky aching head in the morning. He’d started drinking again .the 13 Th time he’d quit not including the time he’d decided to quit between the third and 4 Th sip of brandy on his last birthday. Why shouldn’t he, argued there was no Christmas tree waiting for him? Just a wife who disappointed him by being disappointed with him. And 2 kids who cared more for their measly allowance than for their dull father. He stopped to light a cigarette on the way rustling through his pockets he found his last cigarette and struggled to light the damp matches. Finally managing to light one he smiled as he dragged in the first puff. Smiling over this small victory over a sea of defeats. The Christmas lights and decorations all around stared at him accusingly for killing the inexistent joy it had desperately conjured. He tried picturing his wife and gasped fearing he couldn’t picture her anymore but then slowly her picture cleared in his head sitting by the fireplace reading from the bible. Yes she had resorted to the only source of hope when all other resources dry out. He’d broken her too he’d never change she’d accuse hoping like a 12 year old trying out his first attempt at reverse psychology. He realized looking around that he’d continued to walk he was almost home. Contemplating the shouting session in store his steps slowed as if urging him to delay himself. But alas only so much could be done he could see his home now faithfully decorated by his children and wife since he wasn’t around he was never around. He chose to be .he could still feel the stifled air that tightened when he sat near them. Their silence openly commanding him to leave. He was their ugly duckling. Drawing a deep breath he knocked on the door anticipating the trial lying ahead. The door creaked open and there she stood wearing the dress she’d worn the day he’d proposed to her. He stood still although she’d moved back to let him in. slowly like a simple song his head rushed with all the emotions that rushed through him when he’d first laid his eyes on her. Moving forward carefully almost afraid he took her in his arms and kissed her she drew his love in almost as she’d known he’d kiss her like she’d read it in a fortune cookie knowing it was of course a farce but anticipating it all the same. Long they kissed only stopping to draw breath almost not wanting to breathe anymore. Tears staining each other’s cheeks both crying for different reasons the same reasons for each other for themselves. Locked in an embrace he feared if he’d let go he’d be no more. He had so much more to say she had so much more to say so they went on salty lips locked in a kiss of hope.

A NIGHT TO FORGET A MEMORY PRECIOUS

Yesterday I convinced myself to leave the room that I’d imprisoned myself in since the death of my friend. I hadn’t left the room afraid I might hurt someone with all the anger that I had diligently cultivated by adding fuel to the fire. The fire being the pain and the fuel his memories. I honestly cannot surmise what my expectations were as I left home riding my deplorable bike revving harder venting my anger on the roads. Alas the roads were as numb as god himself. They like him remained impassive infuriating me further. Would I never get used to losing. I smiled at my failure. What else could I do? I was invited to a party to celebrate the last few days of bachelorhood (freedom) of my good friends brother. An event, which was utterly against my taste. Here in INDIA we do not harbor the time-honored tradition of hiring strippers to bachelor parties. Instead we have balding drunk old men dancing in their underwear that of course is humored and entertained by the equally drunk and less dance savvy 99% male attendance. The one percent belonging to the woman screeching out old crass melodies one after the other to a “couldn’t care less” crowd. I hope you can understand by now as to why this eventful a night is not my cup of tropical iceberg!! Yet I had known I’d be in the company of my friends and that was always enough. Of course the free alcohol I believe was passively mentioned. Well so here I am feeling like one of those villains in a bollywood movie with a scotch on the rocks in his hand. Watching the sexy sultry singer a.k.a dancer a.k.a hardworking mother of three boys now taking cold revenge on the villain by subtly dulling him to sleep\submission\death with her blared notes for having cruelly killed her law abiding husband for doing exactly that. Of course I was being silly I was no villain I had no catch phrase nor a fetish for leather outfits nor a habit of pillaging and plundering. My plans failed me when I realized that a conversation was almost impossible considering the fact that the singer in an inane attempt to catch the attention of the crowd had decided to sing louder. So I decided to concentrate on my scotch instead. So with my eyes fixed on the target I started gulping down my drinks like how jerry after having stolen the cheese from right under tom’s nose gulps it down with all the ease a mouse could possibly portray. Slowly the alcohol served its purpose by numbing all pains .now looking around finding my conviction in the criticism of the event slowly ebbing away I realize that a particularly racy and raunchy number had brought a crowd to the dance floor. Soon I found myself swaying my arms and grinding my hips harder and with more passion than ever before. Staring at the faces around I realized how foolish I was to have judged the night even before it had darkened. I learned that it was always only the people that mattered and never the event. I learned that the true purpose of alcohol is to numb pain. That if you dance for too long your sides could hurt. That a friend lost is hard to forget. That whiskey spilled onto my shirt is enough evidence for me to get a 20-minute talk from dad on the vices of drinking. Driving back home, halfway along I got off the bike.my eyes searched around for any visible human compatriots finding none I bent down on all four knees and kissed the road.